The Law of Training Illusion – Certificates grow. Competence shrinks.

Corporate Learning Update — Q3 Report
“This quarter, we achieved a record 480% training completion rate.”*
(Includes partial attendance and playlist downloads.)

John asked when practice would begin.
The training had covered strategic thinking, emotional intelligence, and change leadership.
Fourteen modules. Forty-two videos. Six assessments.
Zero relevance to actual work.
The Facilitator smiled: “Next quarter.”

Teams Exchange — During Mandatory Session:
The Resister (private message): “We’re learning about ‘strategic alignment’ while our strategy is literally TBD.”
John: “At least we’ll be strategically aligned with nothing.”
The Resister: “I’m going to frame my certificate next to my review that says I lack strategic thinking.”

Email — One Week After Training:
John to Team: “Can we try implementing some of the frameworks from last week’s session?”
The Strategist: “Which session?”
John: “The strategic thinking one.”
The Strategist: “Oh, right. What did it say?”
John: “You were there.”
The Strategist: “Was I? I had back-to-back meetings. Did I get the certificate?”

Project Failure Postmortem — Two Weeks Later:
Root Cause: The Team lacked strategic thinking skills.
Recommended Solution: Additional training on strategic thinking.
People who have just completed strategic thinking training: Everyone.
Questions asked about this irony: 0.

Johnny observed,

Certificates grow. Competence shrinks.

Footnote found: “Growth measured by attendance, not ability.”