The Law of Engagement Surveys – Engagement blooms in gestures, dies in surveys.
Once, John filled out his engagement survey with care. He answered every question honestly — even the one about trust. The summary later confirmed “strong alignment across teams.” The action plan included “celebrating authenticity.”
Pulse Report — Employee Sentiment Index
94% responded “Yes” to “Are you engaged?”
0% remembered what that meant.
Follow-up Memo:
“Leadership remains deeply committed to listening.
Implementation begins once feedback stabilizes.”
From The Footnote Archives:
- Each listening exercise began with pre-approved questions.
- The form measured positivity, not honesty.
- Comments were optional and then ignored.
- Results improved every year. Morale didn’t.
Survey Roles — Internal Cast:
- The Communicator became the “Voice of the Employee.”
- The Optimizer designed a 72-question empathy form.
- The Diplomat ensured no question could offend.
- The Resister skipped the survey — again.
Teams chat — John to The Resister:
“Did you see the results?”
The Resister: “Didn’t take it.”
John: “Says we feel heard and valued.”
The Resister: “Do you?”
John: “I asked for headcount. They gave us yoga.”
The Resister: “Sounds heard.”
The Communicator summarized it as “alignment.”
The Boss celebrated 100% participation.
John never filled out another survey.
This time, engagement improved.
Johnny noted the irony:
Honesty measured is honesty lost.
Johnny’s Footnotes is a satirical instrument, infused with humour, for understanding organisational dysfunction, grounded in The Anatomy of Nonsense, also known as the Grand Unified Theory of Bullshit, finally documented so you no longer have to pretend it isn’t happening.
Meet John’s Colleagues. They are here (& almost everywhere).
Disclaimer: The Footnote is a satire — an observation, not an accusation. If it feels uncomfortably accurate, that’s just coincidence. You’re simply not important enough to be targeted.
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