The Law of Hidden KPIs – Real KPIs live off the chart.
Corporate performance is measurable. Just not where it hurts.
From the Footnote Archives:
- John asked how success would be tracked.
- The Optimizer opened a dashboard.
- Everything glowed. Velocity up.
- Confidence strong. Morale green.
The Boss smiled.
The Strategist approved the signal.
The Diplomat thanked the team for transparency.
Two weeks later, three people resigned.
The dashboard didn’t blink.
John began tracking different indicators.
Who stopped challenging decisions?
Who started blocking calendars?
Who replied “noted” instead of asking why.
Fragment from an internal memo, shared proudly:
To improve clarity, we will emphasize metrics that reinforce momentum and confidence.
Metrics that create unnecessary concern will be deprioritized.
The dashboard improved instantly.
The Burnt-Out Star delivered—then disappeared.
The New Joiner learned which questions shortened tenure.
The Survivor met every target and quietly updated nothing except his LinkedIn profile.
Johnny reflected back and logged:
The most accurate KPIs stay invisible. They measure consequences, not comfort.
Johnny’s Footnotes is a satirical instrument, infused with humour, for understanding organisational dysfunction, grounded in The Anatomy of Nonsense, also known as the Grand Unified Theory of Bullshit, finally documented so you no longer have to pretend it isn’t happening.
Meet John’s Colleagues. They are here (& almost everywhere).
Disclaimer: The Footnote is a satire — an observation, not an accusation. If it feels uncomfortably accurate, that’s just coincidence. You’re simply not important enough to be targeted.
Follow the Genesis of the Laws
