The Law of Title Inflation – Titles swell as authority weakens.
Internal Memorandum – HR Communications
Subject: Role Realignment for Strategic Visibility
To reflect our organization’s evolving excellence, the following title upgrades will take effect immediately:
- Coordinator → Manager of Enablement
- Manager → Lead Manager
- Lead Manager → Strategic Lead
- Strategic Lead → Transformation Partner
Performance ratings, responsibilities, and pay bands remain unchanged.
This initiative reinforces our commitment to employee recognition and career acceleration.
Questions may be directed to The Communicator’s office.
Appendix: Employee Pulse Survey Results
92% reported feeling “recognized.”
0% reported feeling “empowered.”
(Survey conducted two weeks post-implementation)
Once John received his new title via email.
He was now a “Strategic Lead” rather than a “Lead Manager.”
Team size: unchanged (zero).
Budget authority: none.
Decision rights: still pending “leadership alignment.”
The Boss congratulated him at the town hall.
“We’re investing in our people,” she said, gesturing to a slide listing forty-three new titles.
The Influencer called it “a meaningful step toward equity.”
John updated his LinkedIn.
Johnny wrote in the margins:
Titles expanded. Authority evaporated. Everyone’s now leading something no one controls.
He’s logged twenty-seven such inflations with zero authority transfers.
What began as recognition became sedation.
The names grew grander. The power smaller.
Johnny’s Footnotes is a satirical instrument, infused with humour, for understanding organisational dysfunction, grounded in The Anatomy of Nonsense, also known as the Grand Unified Theory of Bullshit, finally documented so you no longer have to pretend it isn’t happening.
Meet John’s Colleagues. They are here (& almost everywhere).
Disclaimer: The Footnote is a satire — an observation, not an accusation. If it feels uncomfortably accurate, that’s just coincidence. You’re simply not important enough to be targeted.
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